Stuck in the Past part 1
by KimDWil71
Summary: Just a fun story where the Gunmen and two of their friends get to time travel. I don't own the LGM charaters.


The Lone Gunmen

Stuck In The Past

Part 1

(The date is May 30, 2001.)

(The Gunmen are attending a special New Inventors Convention & Expo in Los Angeles, CA.)

(And this year, the Gunmen have invited their friends, Kimmy Belmont and Yves Adele Harlow to join them. Well, Jimmy invited Yves.)

(As they all walk into the convention center, Jimmy is overwhelmed and astonished at what he sees.)

Jimmy: This place is so cool. So what do we do here?

Langly: We like to keep up with the latest technology and whatnot. Hey Kimmy, check-out this new laptop.

Kimmy: Whoa! This is not scheduled to be out until next year. I was so lucky that you asked me to come to one of your conventions.

Langly: Told you that it was cool here.

(At this point, the group decides to disperse into three different directions to check out different areas of the convention.)

(Byers and Frohike have gone to a different section of the convention.)

Byers: Frohike, check out this new scanner.

Frohike: And check out this camera. Is this cool or what? Can't wait to see these things go to market.

(Elsewhere, Jimmy and Yves are exploring another area of the convention together.)

Jimmy: So are you enjoying yourself?

Yves: I usually don't come to the conventions but I am enjoying myself. Thanks for inviting me, Jimmy.

Jimmy: You're welcomed, Yves. I wouldn't have as much fun without you here with me. The others would've just ignored me or made me feel unwanted.

(As they continue to walk around, they pass by a strange booth, where a man in his Mid-60's is selling strange-looking calculators.)

Herb: Hi there, Youngsters.

Jimmy: Are you talking to us, Sir?

Herb: Yes. Let me introduce myself. I'm Herb Manning and I invented something people have only seen in science-fiction movies.

(Jimmy and Yves look at the product and they first think that they are one of those scientific calculators.)

Jimmy: I'm sorry, Sir. But this is the 21st century and calculators have been around for a very long time.

Herb; (He sees the young couple about to walk away and then stops them.) Oh, but this is no calculator my young friends. This is my latest invention. This is a time machine.

Jimmy: Oh come on. Even I know that there's no such thing as time travel. That stuff is just science fiction.

Herb: Oh but it's not. It's just that modern technology is not advanced enough for normal scientists to invent anything like this.

Yves: (Whispers into Jimmy's ear.) "Not normal" is the key phrase.

(Jimmy snickers.)

Herb: Well, how would you like to purchase my product? Then you'll find out if it's real or not.

Jimmy: Um, I'll have to check with my friends first and make sure it's OK.

Herb: Why do you need your friends' permission?

Jimmy: Because they're sort of like my bosses and if I do anything stupid, they will usually threaten to fire me.

Herb: (Rolls his eyes and sighs.) Very well then.

(At that moment, Jimmy and Yves hurry away from the crazy, old man to look for the others.)

(And as they walk away, they both look back towards him.)

Jimmy: I don't know about you, Yves. But I thought that guy was a bit on the creepy side.

Yves: Yes. I quite agree with you, Jimmy.

(They then go and they find Langly and Kimmy, who are still looking at the laptops.)

Jimmy: Hey Langly. Yves and I have something to show you.

Langly: What is it?

Jimmy: There's this crazy, old dude who says that he invented a time machine. But it looks like one of those fancy scientific calculators.

Kimmy: How would you know what a scientific calculator looked like?

Langly: (Jimmy is about to say something to defend his intelligence.) Jimmy, just ignore him and tell us where this guy is. I would like to see these time travel devices of his.

Jimmy: Follow us. He's over this way.

(Jimmy and Yves lead Langly and Kimmy back over to the booth and Herb sees them returning.)

Herb: Ah, I see that you two have returned and you brought your friends as well. I'm Herb Manning and I'm the inventor of this time machine.

Kimmy: This is your time machine? How stupid do you think we are?

Herb: I see that you are as skeptical as your two young friends here.

Langly: No, we think you're just downright crazy. Time travel is pure science fiction and it will most likely always will be.

Herb: That's what my colleagues thought. (He then starts to get a mean, spiteful look on his face.) Then had me committed to a hospital full of crazy people.

Langly: Well guess what? Maybe you should go back to one. You still seem a little crazy.

Herb: (After hearing that, Herb starts to get a crazily violent feeling.) Oh is that right, you stupid kids?

Jimmy: Hey look Buddy. Just because we think you're crazy, doesn't mean you need to get mad at us.

Herb: Crazy, am I? (He then decides that he doesn't like what the four younger people are saying and takes out a gun and starts to point it at them.)

(Langly, Jimmy, and Kimmy hold their hands up in a surrender pose. Yves on the other hand is trying to be brave, even though she's just as scared as the three guys are.)

Yves: So you wish to kill us because we don't believe in your invention or that we think you're crazy?

Herb: Both reasons but mostly because you think I'm crazy.

(At this point, Langly decides that he and his friends need help and decides to call Frohike and Byers to see if they can talk sense into the crazy, gun-totting inventor.)

(Byers and Frohike are still looking at the cameras when they get a call from Langly.)

Byers: (His cell phone rings.) Byers speaking.

Langly: Byers, I'm in need of some immediate assistance. Kimmy, Jimmy, Yves, and myself are having a bit of a problem.

Byers: Where are you four located? (After Langly gives Byers the location.) Frohike and I are on our way. Just try to stay calm.

(Twenty minutes later, Byers and Frohike show up and see a psychotic man pointing a gun at their four friends.)

Frohike: Who the heck are you and why do you have a gun pointed at our young friends here?

Herb: The name is Herb Manning. These stupid kids don't believe that I invented a time machine.

Byers: (Has a face of confusion.) A time machine? (He looks at his four friends who shrug their shoulders.) Well still you have no right to point a gun at our friends.

Herb: Well, if you purchase one, I won't shoot anyone.

Frohike: Listen Bub. You really need to work on your salesmanship. You can't force people to buy your product if you wave a gun in their face.

Herb: They also called me "crazy".

Frohike: I don't blame them. You are acting a bit on the crazy side.

Byers: How much is one of your devices?

Herb: $10,000.

All: $10,000?

Byers: Most people don't have money like that.

(Then Kimmy, Langly, Byers, and Frohike look at Jimmy and Yves, since they are the only members of the group to have that kind of money.)

Yves: (She sighs and rolls her eyes.) Fine, I'll buy it. Do you take checks?

Herb: I take anything.

Yves: (She writes a check for the full $10,000 amount.) Here you go.

Herb: Thank you. Nice doing business with you folks. (Has a snivel-type smile as he thanks her.)

(As they walk away, all six of them look back as the crazy man kisses the check that Yves just gave him.)

Jimmy: Yves, you didn't have to spend your money. I would've been able to pay for it.

Yves: Thank you, Jimmy. But don't worry about it.

Frohike: Are you four OK? (They nod "Yes".) Come on. Let's start to head back home.

(They then begin to head back to DC from the convention.)

(The three Gunmen and Kimmy ride in the van as Jimmy and Yves ride in Jimmy's Trans Am.)

(After driving for a long time, they come to a cheap motel, just outside of LA to stay the night.)

(They rent three rooms. One for Yves, one for Jimmy, Kimmy, and Langly, and one for Byers and Frohike.)

Kimmy: Why does "Limited Brain Power" have to share with us?

Langly: Leave him alone, Kimmy. Who else is he going to stay with? Yves?

Jimmy: I wouldn't do that. It'll be disrespectful.

Kimmy: Man, what are you? A virgin?

Jimmy: No, I'm not a virgin, but I do respect a woman's privacy and personal space. Besides, aren't the two of you virgins?

Kimmy: We have our reasons for that. So who did you sleep with?

Jimmy: My ex-girlfriend, during the prom.

Kimmy: Why is she your ex?

Jimmy: It's a long story. And anyway, you two don't need to put yourselves down. You both can get girlfriends.

Kimmy: No we can't.

Langly: Kimmy's right, Jimmy. Girls aren't interested in guys like us, who spend all their free time playing Dungeons & Dragons and computer games.

Jimmy: I bet there are girls out there who like things like that. You just have to try. If you don't try then you'll never know.

Kimmy: Oh really? If it's so easy to get a girlfriend, then how come you don't ask Yves out? You clearly like the woman.

Jimmy: (Starts to turn red with embarrassment.) Yeah well. I don't think I would have a chance with a woman like Yves. She's way out of my league and she's too good for someone like me.

Langly: Jimmy, you have got to be the densest dude I know. She's totally into you, Man. We've seen the way she stares at you.

Jimmy: (He starts to blush a little.) Really? You guys aren't just saying that to make me feel better? Well, she did buy that pricy piece of junk so that crazy, old guy wouldn't kill us. Not to change the subject, but why do older people insist on treating us younger people as if we're stupid or something?

Langly: I don't know. Frohike does it on a regular basis and Byers sometimes does it too, even though he isn't that much older than us.

(As they continue their "meaningful" conversation, Yves comes into their room.)

Jimmy: Hey Yves, what brings you here? I thought you were asleep. (He and the other two guys then see disturbed look on Yves' face.) Yves, is everything Ok?

Yves: I don't know. This machine has been acting strange and I'm not sure why.

(Not knowing what to do, Langly suggests that they take it to Frohike, who's sharing his room with Byers.)

Frohike: (As he looks at the device.) I'm not sure how this works, Yves. If it does that is.

Jimmy: It looks like it wants you to press "Enter". (He's about to press "Enter" when Frohike smacks his hand away.) Owww! (He rubs his semi-hurt hand.) Why did you do that?

Frohike: (Wags his finger at Jimmy as if he were his father or something similar to that.) Don't touch! It might blow up or something like that.

Jimmy: (He backs away, with his feelings hurt.) Fine, sorry. I was just trying to help.

Frohike: You can help by not touching it. Yves, what did you do to this thing before it started doing this?

Yves; I just pressed the "On" button and then a series of numbers came up and then it stopped on 1891. Then, it started to blink on and off. I didn't want to press "enter". I was afraid that something bad would happen if I did.

Langly: (He and Kimmy both have surprised looks on their faces.) You, Yves Adele Harlow, was afraid of something?

Yves: (She rolls her eyes at them both.) I'm a person, not a robot. I'm capable of feeling fear. As I was saying, maybe that crazy man isn't so crazy after all. Maybe he really did invent a time travel device.

Jimmy: So how will we know if it is what he said it is? And how do we know if it'll work?

Yves: By simply testing it out. By using it. How will we know if we don't try it out?

(The Gunmen and Kimmy look at Yves with shock in their expressions.)

Byers: Yves, you can't be serious.

Yves: I am. Aren't you boys even a just a little curious?

(The five men all look at each other.)

Jimmy: I guess we're a little curious. But how do we go back in time without doing something that will change the future?

Langly: How did you come up with a theory like that?

Jimmy: I saw something about it on the Discovery Channel once.

Byers: Jimmy's right. It's called the "Grandfather Clause". But I don't think any of us are stupid enough to kill our own grandfathers.

Jimmy: Nor would we want to.

(After saying that, he and the other guys look at Yves, who might want to kill her father.)

Yves: Why are you all looking at me like that? I don't plan on killing any past member of my family, no matter how much I would want to.

Frohike: Ok. We'll try this device. It may not do anything at all. If it does work, we have to promise to not do anything that will change history. That includes you too, Byers. If we go back to 1963, you're not allowed to prevent the assassination of JFK. No matter what your reason is. Agreed? (Holds out his hand.)

Byers: Agreed. (Places his hand on Frohike's.)

Langly: Agreed. (Places his hand on Byers'.)

Kimmy: Agreed. (Places his hand on Langly's.)

Jimmy: Agreed. (Places his hand on Kimmy's.)

Yves: Agreed. (Places her hand on Jimmy's.) So who wants to press the "enter" button?

Jimmy: (With a childlike grin.) Can I?

Frohike: (Sighs!) Ok Jimmy. Go for it.

Byers: Wait, before we go anywhere, I think we should remove any 21st century technology from ourselves, just in case.

(They all look at each other and remove all of their 21st century items from themselves, including pagers, cell phones, etc.)

Jimmy: Ok, is everyone ready now? (They all nod "yes" and Jimmy presses "Enter" and they are sent back 110 years to the year 1891 and they are no longer in their hotel but in the middle of the desert in the Southwest and they see nothing but desert as far as the eye can see.) Did it work?

Langly: It looks like it did.

(They then all look at the device and they see that it's not working at the moment.)

Jimmy: (He has a worried look.) Oh Man, did I break it?

Frohike: No, I don't think so. It looks as if it's recharging itself and it may take a while by the looks of it.

Langly: (Starts to whine.) So we're stuck here until that thing recharges itself?

Frohike: Yep.

Kimmy: (Looks at the device.) Man, this thing is slower than a turtle with a broken leg. A snail could outrun this thing.

Yves: (Puts her hand above her eyes, shielding it from the Sun.) It is very hot out here. I suggest that we find water and shelter very soon.

(They walk for at least several hours without finding any type of shelter.)

Jimmy: (Seeing Yves struggling to walk in the hot sun and wearing one of her all-black outfits that she's famous for.) Yves, are you going to be ok? That outfit of yours isn't made for this type of weather.

Yves: Thanks for the concern, Jimmy, but I'll be fine. I've been to places hotter than this.

Jimmy: Yeah, but most likely those places weren't this empty.

Yves: Yes and I'm usually well prepared too.

Kimmy: Please tell me that house up ahead isn't a mirage.

Langly: It's not. I see it too.

Frohike: Thank goodness. I'm about to pass out from the heat.

(Thirty minutes later, they make it to the house just before they collapse from the heat and exhaustion.)

(Just then, a woman opens the door and sees the six of them lying on her front porch.)

Alice: Oh my! George, you better come out here!

George: Oh dear. Bring them inside and let's hope that they are ok.

(Four hours later, Jimmy is the first to wake up.)

Jimmy: Oh Man, where am I?

Alice: You're awake. Thank goodness. How did you sleep?

Jimmy: Fine. Where am I and where are my friends?

Alice: You're in my house. I am Alice Parker. My husband, George and I found you and your friends passed out on our front porch. Would you like some water?

Jimmy: Yes, please. (Drinking the water.) That was good, thanks.

Alice: Your friends are still asleep. I found some clothes that you and your friends could use.

Jimmy: Thanks but where are our old clothes?

Alice: I got rid of them. They seemed wrong for this weather.

Jimmy: We're from back East and all.

Alice: I see. Will you be alright? I'm just going to check on your friends now.

Jimmy: I'll be fine, thanks. (He then begins to dress into the clothes that he was given.)

(After she leaves, a small boy, around 6 years old, comes into the room.)

Christopher: Hello, I'm Christopher Parker. What is your name, Sir?

Jimmy: James Bond, nice to meet you. (Shakes hands with the boy.)

Christopher: Nice to meet you too, Mr. Bond. Would you like to help me feed the chickens?

Jimmy: Sure, that sounds like fun. (Jimmy then goes outside and helps Christopher feed the chickens.)

(Meanwhile, one by one, Jimmy's friends begin to awaken.)

Alice: So you folks are awake now? Your friend woke up like thirty minutes ago. Can I get any of you some water?

(Feeling a little disoriented, they nod "Yes" and she gives them all some water.)

Byers: (Clearing his throat.) Ma'am, we would like to thank you for taking care of us. If there is anything we can do to repay you, just let us know.

Alice: Oh, it's no trouble at all. Oh, I found some clothes for you folks. They're clean and they should fit you.

(The Gunmen, Kimmy, and Yves change into their new outfits and Yves was even given a corset and bustle with her outfit, to make it fit right.)

Frohike: Ma'am, did you see a small object with a bunch of numbers on it?

Alice: Oh yes. It's over here. I didn't know what it was but it seemed important to you so I placed it over here.

Frohike: Thank you. (He then looks at the device to see if it's recharged and ready to work again.)

Kimmy: Can we use it now?

Frohike: Nope, It's still recharging itself. It may take longer than we thought.

Langly: So we're still stuck here?

Frohike: Hey, don't complain. Be lucky that we found this house.

Byers: And these nice people are willing to take care of us.

Yves: (Hidden behind a changing screen.) I don't feel right in this outfit.

Frohike: Come on, Yves. It can't be that bad.

Yves: Alice, I need you to latch the back for me please.

Alice: Ok, my dear. Here we go.

(Alice then steps away and Yves emerges from behind the changing screen, wearing a 1890's dress with a bunch of flowers on it.)

(Langly and Kimmy both start to burst out laughing as Frohike tries to hide his laughter.)

Yves: (She then gives them a threatening glare.) Shut up or I'll shove my toe up your butts.

Byers: Don't listen to them, Yves. You look very beautiful.

Yves: Thank you, Byers. But I hate this corset and bustle. So where's Jimmy?

Alice: If you folks are looking for your friend, he's outside helping my son feed the chickens.

Langly: (He starts to feel ill and makes a distgusted expression.) Ugh! Farm chores.

(They go outside and they see Jimmy and Alice's son, Christopher, feeding the chickens.)

Jimmy: Hey guys, check this out. This is so fun.

Langly: No it is not. Trust me.

Jimmy: Oh, come on Langly. It's not that bad. Try it, Dude.

Langly: No thanks. You try doing that crap for 18 years then you'll see how much "fun" you think it is.

Jimmy: Well, there isn't much else to do around here. There's no computers, TV, or radios. I doubt these people even have electricity.

Christopher: Mr. Bond. Do you want to help me collect the eggs?

Jimmy: Sure. (He then decides to play a trick on Langly and doesn't collect the eggs the right way.)

(Langly sees Jimmy not collecting the eggs right and walks over to him.)

Langly: Jimmy, you're not doing this right. Here, watch me.

(Langly then ends up doing the rest of the chore as Jimmy goes to rejoin his friends.)

Jimmy: (Whispers to the others.) Actually, I already know how to do farm chores. I have an uncle and aunt who live on a farm in Upstate New York and for several summers, I would help them tend their farm when I was a kid.

Frohike: (He begins to laugh at Jimmy's sneaky ways.) You mean to say that you tricked Langly into doing farm chores? You know he's going to kill you when he finds that out.

Byers: (Laughs along with the others.) Just don't try that with milking cows. He hates that chore more than anything.

Jimmy: Yeah, I already know about his issues with cows. I won't try to trick him into doing that.

(Just then, Christopher Parker comes up to Jimmy and tugs on his shirt.)

Christopher: Mr. Bond, you want to help me milk the cows?

Jimmy: Ok. (He looks back at the others as he walks away.) Here I go Guys. See ya.

(Later that evening, as they all sit around at the dinner table.)

Alice: My dear, what's your name?

Yves: Yves Harlow.

Alice: Yves dear, would you mind helping me serve the men-folk?

Yves: Sure, I guess so. (As she gets up, she gives Langly, Frohike, Byers, and Kimmy a look saying, "Don't laugh, or I'll kill you.")

Jimmy: Alice, Yves, let me help you. (Gets up and helps the women.)

Alice: Oh my. Thank you, Mr. Bond. You're quite the gentleman.

Jimmy: Thank you. This is just my way of thanking you for taking us into your home and all.

George: So where are you folks from?

Byers: We come from Maryland, near Washington, DC.

George: Are you folks planning on staying in town?

Frohike: Um, we actually need to find a way to get home.

Alice: There is a train station not too far from here. It is quite a ways by foot though.

George: We have several horses that you may have.

Byers: But then, you won't have any.

George: We have plenty of horses. More than we need.

Byers: Well ok. Thank you.

(Later, after the family goes to bed, the Gunmen, Kimmy, and Yves set up their horses for the next day.)

Yves: Langly, don't you know how to saddle a horse?

Langly: We didn't really have horses, just cows. Speaking of which, Jimmy how did you like milking those cows?

Jimmy: At first, it was a little gross, but after a while, it was pretty cool. Oh and by the way, I already know how to collect chicken eggs. (Starting to grin.)

Langly: What?

Jimmy: Yes, I have an uncle and aunt who live on a farm in Upstate New York and when I was a kid, I used to go and help them on their farm every Summer. (He then sees the pissed look on Langly's face and is preparing to run.)

Langly: You mean to say that you tricked me into doing farm chores? (He then walks towards Jimmy.) Oh, you are so dead, 007! (He then begins to chase Jimmy around the field, but isn't able to keep up.) Get back here so I can kill you! (Running out of breath.)

Jimmy: (Continues to run.) Come on, Man. It's not like I made you milk cows or anything. (He is still smiling as he continues to run.)

Langly: (Begins to give up.) Yeah, yeah. (Begins to catch his breath.)

Frohike: You should know, Langly that you can't outrun a former football player.

Langly: Whatever. So Yves, how do you know so much about saddling a horse?

Yves: When I was a child, in England, I owned a horse that my mother had given me. My mother taught me how to saddle a horse.

Jimmy: (Comes back to sit down.) You know, this 19th century life isn't so bad. Sure, there's no real technology, but who cares?

Frohike: Oh please. You would miss listening to your Smash Mouth CD.

Jimmy: I'd get over it. How about it, Yves? Here you don't have to live in secrecy and fear all the time. You can be who you want to be.

Yves: But I'm a woman. Women, at this time, didn't have as many rights as men did. I can't even vote yet.

Jimmy: Well, I guess you're right about that.

Byers: I kind of agree with Jimmy though. This life is pretty relaxing. But we do have to get back to our time zone because we still have a paper that needs to be published.

Langly: Yeah and I miss my computers and the Ramones.

Kimmy: Not to mention Dungeons & Dragons and the Sci-Fi Channel.

Jimmy: But what if we never get back?

Langly: Then I'll go crazy.

Frohike: Cheer up, guys. It's not all that bad.

(Just then, George comes out of the house.)

George: I forgot to ask. Do you folks have any money? (They all shake their heads "no".) Well here. I have plenty of money and we would like to give you some. (He then goes back into his house.)

Langly: He only gave us $200.

Byers: Langly, this is 1891. $200 is probably considered a lot for this time.

(Early the next day, the Gunmen, Kimmy, and Yves set off for the nearest town.)

Jimmy: Yves, I forgot to mention. You look very nice in that dress.

Yves: I feel like Dr. Quinn.

Jimmy: Nah, she's not as beautiful as you are. (This makes Yves smile and blush.)

Yves: Thank you, Jimmy. But I hate this bustle and corset. Why can't these people just learn to exercise and eat less? That way they wouldn't need to torture their bodies with these so-called "beauty devices".

Langly: Hey Kimmy, I bet I can ride faster than you.

Kimmy: In your dreams, Farmboy.

Langly: Wanta race and find out?

Kimmy: Bring it on!

Langly & Kimmy: Ready! Set! Go!

(They then kick their horses into running and they begin to race to a distant cactus plant.)

Frohike: (Sighs!) Man, you can't take these two anywhere without them competing against each other.

Byers: Oh, let them have their fun. They don't have their computers so this is the next best thing.

Frohike: Oh, by the way. George gave us all weapons. He said that we may need them out here.

Byers: I'm not sure if I know how to use a gun, especially one from the 19th century.

Frohike: Well, let's hope that we don't have to use them.

(Langly and Kimmy, who are both way ahead of everyone else, see a small town on the horizon.)

Kimmy: Hey guys! We see a small town on the horizon! Hurry up!

(An hour or so later, they enter the small town.)

(As they ride through town, they see several saloons, a bank, a hotel, several general stores, a blacksmith, and various other buildings.)

Jimmy: Man, this is so cool. It's just like being in Frontierland at Disney World.

(Near the end of town, they see a train station and go towards it.)

Byers: I'm going to see if we can at least get a train heading to an East coast city. (Byers dismounts his horse and goes to the ticket booth.) Excuse me, Sir. Can you tell me when the next train to New York City arrives?

Ticket Master: It's supposed to arrive in three days, if there's no delays.

Byers: Thank you. How about Washington, DC?

Ticket Master: About the same.

Byers: How about Chicago?

Ticket Master: That'll be about 2½ days.

Byers: Ok. Thanks. (He then gets back on his horse.) Either way we'll have to wait for 3 days for a train.

Langly: Maybe in that time, the time machine will be recharged enough to get us home or at least out of here. How's the recharging, Frohike?

Frohike: Man, this thing is slower than a sick snail. We'll have to stick around here a little longer or wait for a train heading to the East coast.

Byers: Until then, we'll have to find a decent place to stay.

Jimmy: There's a hotel. (After they dismount their horses, they check into the hotel.) Man, three rooms for three days here is a lot less expensive than one of those crappy ones back home.

Kimmy: Yeah, I have to agree.

(The next day, they find some new clothes that Alice and her family had given them and they decide to go to one of the local saloons, which happens to have a stage.)

(As they sit, one of the barmaids comes over to Yves.)

Martha: Hi Ma'am. We're one dancer short. Would you like to fill in?

Yves: Thank you for asking but I'm not sure if I can dance like you do.

Martha: Don't worry about that. We'll show you what to do. We'll even provide you with a dress.

Jimmy: Go ahead, Yves. You are a much better dancer the rest of us.

Yves: Ok. I'll dance.

Martha: Great. Can you sing as well?

Yves: Maybe a little.

(An hour later, Yves and a bunch of dancing girls come out in frilly, white dresses and parasols, singing "Oh Susanna".)

(The guys, except for Jimmy, begin to laugh uncontrollably.)

(When she finishes the performance, she is told that she can keep the dress and goes back to rejoin her friends who are clapping and cheering.)

Jimmy: Yves, you did very great. I'm very impressed.

Yves: Thank you, Jimmy.

Langly: (Still laughing his head off.) Hey Yves. Just be lucky that video cameras haven't been invented yet.

Kimmy: (He's also still laughing.) Yeah, that footage would've been classic.

(Byers and Frohike have stopped laughing but are still smiling at her.)

Frohike: Don't listen to them, Yves. You looked very good up there.

Byers: And you look very nice in that dress.

Yves: (Blushes.) Thank you. But they made me where another stupid corset. These things are so not good for my body.

(Just then someone plays "Oh My Darling, Clementine" on the old-fashioned piano and Jimmy sees other patrons in the bar dancing.)

Jimmy: (He then decides to ask Yves to dance.) Yves, would you care to dance?

Yves: Well, Ok. I love to.

Jimmy: (As they dance together.) You know these past two days or so have been so great. If we never get out of here, so be it. At least I'll be here with my favorite girl.

Yves: (She then blushes again.) This is quite refreshing.

(Later, they decide to ride their horses to the next town.)

Jimmy: Why are we going to another town?

Byers: Because maybe they'll have an earlier train to the East coast.

Jimmy: Why do you want to go the East coast?

Langly: They are more populated and the climate isn't as harsh.

Jimmy: Harsh?

Frohike: It's too dry here.

Yves: Frohike, is the device recharged yet?

Frohike: It's getting there. It may take a few more days.

Jimmy: Guys, maybe if we walk along a railroad, we won't get lost.

Langly: We won't get lost.

Byers: And, if worst comes to worst, we can just camp out here.

(At nightfall, the group decides to camp out underneath a large cactus plant.)

Jimmy: Hey Guys. George gave me a harmonica. Want me to play anything?

(They all look at each other.)

Frohike: Can you play?

Jimmy: Yeah, my uncle taught me.

Langly: (Gives Jimmy a glare.) Is this the same uncle who owns a farm in Upstate New York?

Jimmy: Yeah, do you want me to play anything?

Kimmy: Can you play something from our lifetime?

Jimmy: Ok. My uncle taught me this one. It sounds better with a guitar and drums, but here it goes.

(Jimmy then plays "Joy to the World" by Three Dog Night.)

(As he plays, his friends decide to sing along.)

Byers: That was nice, Jimmy. Thanks.

Yves: What else can you play?

Jimmy: Here, I can play this also. (He then plays, "On the Road Again.")

(Once again, as he plays the song, his friends sing along.)

(Later, the group all fall asleep on the desert floor.)

(The next day, after a good night's sleep, they are again ready to head into another town.)

Byers: I see another town up ahead. Let's go.

Langly: Man, this air is so great for my asthma. It's so clean and everything.

Frohike: That's because there's nothing polluting the air.

Langly: Hey Yves. You said that you used to ride horses when you were a kid. So, how about I challenge you to a race?

Yves: Langly, I have better things to do than to challenge you to an immature horse race.

Langly: You're just saying that because you know I'll beat you.

Yves: Alright, I accept your challenge.

Langly & Yves: Ready! Set! Go!

(Langly and Yves begin to race their horses through the desert.)

Jimmy: GO YVES! YOU CAN DO IT!

Kimmy: GO LANGLY! SHOW THAT FEMALE HACKER WHO'S BETTER!

(Frohike and Byers look at each other.)

Byers: Oh Frohike. They're young.

Frohike: I understand Langly, Kimmy, and Jimmy acting like this. But not Yves.

Byers: She's still young. She should be able to enjoy life and she doesn't really have the chance to do this on a regular basis.

(Just as they are racing through the desert, Yves' horse stops suddenly and she falls off her horse and into a pool of quicksand.)

Yves: (She screams as she begins to sink.) LANGLY! I NEED HELP!

Langly: (Looking back, he sees her in quicksand and hurries back.) Hold on, Yves! I'm coming!

Yves: Hurry, I'm sinking!

Langly: Grab my hand! Can you reach it?

Yves: I can't reach!

Langly: (He gets up and looks around for something to reach her.) Stay calm! (He then sees Jimmy and Kimmy coming on their horses.) Jimmy! Kimmy! Yves needs help and I can't reach her!

Jimmy: (Hurries off his horse and lies on his stomach.) Yves, can you reach my hand?

Yves: I'll try. (Reaching for Jimmy's hand.) Almost there.

Jimmy: (He grabs her hand.) Guys, I need some help pulling her out! (Kimmy takes Jimmy's hand and Langly takes Kimmy's hand and they all help to pull Yves out of the quicksand.) There you go, Yves. You're out. Are you ok?

Yves: I guess so. I've never been so scared before in my life. Thank you, Jimmy. (She then continues to hold onto Jimmy.)

(Frohike and Byers then come riding up on their horses.)

Frohike: We saw what happened.

Byers: Will she be ok?

Yves: I just need to change my clothes.

Jimmy: Ok. (He hands her a change of clothes.) Don't worry, we won't look.

(The five guys turn around as Yves changes her clothes.)

Yves: Jimmy, can you help me fasten the buttons on the back?

Jimmy: Sure. (He looks away as he fastens the buttons on her dress.)

Langly: (Walks up to them.) Yves, I'm really sorry that you got hurt back there. It was my fault.

(Yves then forgives him with a hug and he returns the hug.)

Yves: It's alright, Langly. You didn't mean for that to happen. Besides, the race was quite exciting. (She then gets back on her horse.) Jimmy, can you walk with me?

Jimmy: Sure.

(They then end up in a new town, but find out that this town is much rougher than the last town they were in.)

(They then walk into the local saloon and after receiving their food and drinks, go to sit at a table, rather than the bar.)

(As they sit there, a group of outlaws enter the saloon.)

Rusty; (He then slams his fist on the bar.) Bartender, whiskey, on the house!

Bartender; (Talking in fear.) Yes Sir, Mr. Coyle. (Hands him a bottle of whiskey.)

(As he drinks, he looks around and sees the six new strangers in his saloon, in his town.)

Rusty; (He walks over to them.) Howdy strangers. I've never seen you folks around here before.

Frohike: We're new in town.

Rusty: I see and well then, you must know that I run this town.

Jimmy: What about the sheriff?

Rusty: I killed him and his deputy. Now, I run this town and ain't no one has been brave enough to challenge me. (He then lays his eyes on Yves, who rolls her eyes at him.) Well, howdy there, Missy. The name's Rusty Coyle. How would you like to come with me back to my hide-out?

Yves: I'm not interested in men like you.

Rusty: I didn't ask if you wanted to. (He then grabs her arm.)

Jimmy: (Puts his hand on Rusty's chest.) Hey Buddy! You better back off! The lady said she's not interested! Let her go!

Rusty: Is you standing up to me, Boy? What's your name?

Jimmy: James Bond and where I come from, I'm considered tough.

Rusty: Is that so? Well then, how about me and you have a duel tomorrow morning?

Jimmy: What time?

Rusty: 8:00am.

Jimmy: You're on, Mr. Coyle.

Rusty: Very well then. 8am tomorrow.

(Rusty and his group leave the saloon and the other patrons cheer Jimmy on.)

Jimmy: Why are you people cheering for me? I just accepted a duel with an outlaw.

Stan: Yes, but you're the first guy to stand up to Rusty in three years. The last guy who did that, got himself killed.

Jimmy: Well, I may very well end up dead.

Lucille: (A barmaid.) Mr. Bond. This is for good luck. (Gives Jimmy a kiss on his cheek.)

Jimmy: (Clearing throat.) Thanks Ma'am. (Then blushes.)

(Jimmy then decides to leave the saloon and his friends follow him outside.)

Frohike: Jimmy, are you out of your freakin' mind?

Jimmy: Sorry, but I didn't like the way that guy treated Yves.

Frohike: You're going to get yourself killed.

Jimmy: What would you've done in my situation?

Frohike: I'm not questioning your reason, just your solution.

Jimmy: Look if I had just sat there and not done anything, he would've kept harassing Yves.

Langly: Jimmy, we all know that Yves is very capable of taking care of herself and she can handle situations like that. You are, aren't you?

Yves: Yes, but I still like the idea that Jimmy is trying to defend me by standing up to that awful man.

Jimmy: So are you supporting my decision on accepting that man's duel?

Yves: I don't think violence is a way to solve anything but we're not in the 21st century right now. This is the 19th century and this is how things are done in this century. If Jimmy feels that he needs to defend my honor by accepting this duel, then so be it. I just hope you'll be ok.

Jimmy: I hope so too.

Langly: I hope you know that duels usually involve guns and you could get yourself killed.

Byers: And, if you do win, you would have killed someone yourself. How could you live with yourself knowing that you took another's life?

Jimmy: I'm not planning on using a gun.

Kimmy: Then how will you defeat that outlaw?

Jimmy: You'll all see.

(That night, after checking into the new hotel, they hear a noise coming from outside.)

Frohike: What is going on outside?

Byers: Looks like a celebration of some sort.

Frohike: What are they celebrating?

Byers: There's only one way to find out.

(As they walk outside, they find out that the town is celebrating the up-coming duel between Jimmy and Rusty.)

Jimmy: This is totally awesome. They're celebrating my up-coming duel. Man, I feel special.

Frohike: You know you can very well get killed tomorrow.

Jimmy: I told you guys that I have it all under control.

Man at the shooting range: Hey Mr. Bond. Let's see how good a shot you are.

Jimmy: Ok. I hope those shooting lessons my uncle taught me paid off. (He then takes a 19th century pistol and fires, hitting all of the targets.)

Gunmen: WOW!

Yves: Very impressive, Jimmy.

Langly: So who is this uncle of yours?

Jimmy: He's my Uncle Martin. He's my dad's older brother. He and my Aunt June never had kids so whenever I went to visit them, they would teach me everything they know. The last time I saw them was a little after I started my blind football team. Maybe when we go back home, I should go and visit them again.

Langly: I like to meet this uncle of yours.

Jimmy: Sure, they love visitors.

Man at the shooting range: Anyone else want to give it a try?

Yves: I'll give it a shot, if that's alright?

Man at the shooting range: Ok Ma'am.

(Yves then takes the gun and she shoots all of the targets, even better than Jimmy did.)

Jimmy: Wow, that was great, Yves. Where did you learn to shoot like that?

Yves: Thank you. I go to the Shooting Range back home to practice. (She walks away, feeling good about herself.)

(With the thought still in their minds, Kimmy and Langly decide to try the 19th century shooting range as well.)

(After they have their turns.)

Kimmy: Man, that was so much better than those virtual reality ones at the Shooting Range back home.

Langly: Yeah, but it's too bad we can't bring our other friends here. They would've had a blast.

(Later, Jimmy and Yves dance to some 19th century, western music as their friends watch.)

(Unknown to them, Rusty Coyle and his posse show up at the celebration.)

Rusty: Well, well, what have we here?

Outlaw #1: Looks like a celebration and we weren't invited.

Rusty: That ain't nice. Let's find the person responsible for this and punish him for not inviting us.

Outlaw #1: Look Sir, it's that Bond guy. He must be the one who wanted this.

Rusty: Well then. Let's go and show this stranger how we deal with things here.

(As Jimmy and Yves continue to dance, Rusty comes up to them and points a gun into Jimmy's back.)

Yves: What are you doing here?

Rusty: Well, well, ain't this sweet. But I believe that you is dancing with my girl.

Jimmy: (Turns around, sharply.) Look Loser, she's not your girl.

Rusty: Well, I says she is. (Grabs Yves' arm.)

Yves: Unhand me, Jerk! (She then knees him in the groin and kicks him upside his head.)

(Rusty's friends point their guns at Yves.)

Outlaw #2: Oh, that was not a smart move Girl. You'll have to pay for that.

Rusty: You's going to pay for that Girl. (He then points his gun at Yves.)

Jimmy: Hey leave her alone. Your problem is with me and not my friends.

(The Gunmen and Kimmy show up and see Rusty and his posse surround Jimmy and Yves.)

Frohike: This is getting way out of hand. (He then decides to come between Jimmy and Rusty.) Look Punk, you wanta mess with our young friends here, you'll have to deal with the rest of us.

Rusty: Move away, Old Timer. I's gots no problem shooting someone your age.

Frohike: Look, your business with us is tomorrow at 8am and no sooner. If you can't tell time, then learn.

Rusty: You's don't make the rules for me, Old Timer.

Frohike: Oh is that right? (He then takes out his gun that George had given him earlier and points it at Rusty's temple.)

(Rusty appears to back down and Frohike lowers his gun.)

(Just then, while Frohike's back is turned, Rusty pulls out his gun again and prepares to shoot Frohike in the back.)

Byers: (He sees this and takes out his own gun.) FROHIKE, LOOK OUT! (Byers then shoots Rusty's gun out of his hand.)

Langly: (He, along with everyone else is surprised by what they saw.) Wow, great shooting Byers!

Rusty: You! How dare you?

Byers: (Getting mad at the outlaw, walks over to him, staring at his face.) Just shut up and get lost, you stupid jerk! Come on, Guys. Let's not waste our time with this loser.

(The six of them get onto their horses and ride out of town quickly.)

Jimmy: That was too cool, Byers.

Frohike: I thought you said that you didn't know how to use a gun.

Byers: Actually, I only know that move.

Langly: And who taught you?

Byers: Mulder did.

Langly: Anyway, that was still cool. So Frohike, is that machine ready to be used?

Frohike: Almost, it may take a few more hours though.

Jimmy: Are you guys ok?

Frohike: What do you mean?

Jimmy: I mean, back there with that outlaw. I'm sorry that I got you all involved.

Frohike: Don't worry about it, Jimmy. We Gunmen stand up for each other and our friends.

Kimmy: (He looks back and sees the outlaws coming.) Guys, we need to pick it up! Those outlaws look rather pissed and are coming at us at full speed!

(The six of them then kick their horses into action and run as fast as they can as Rusty and his posse begin to shoot at them.)

Jimmy: Now they're shooting at us! What should we do?

Frohike: At this point, we just need to run and dodge the bullets as best as we can!

(They then go and hide behind a large rock formation and the outlaws run past them.)

(After a few minutes, they come out from their hiding place and head back to town.)

(The next day, Jimmy wakes up and gets ready for his up-coming duel with Rusty at 8am.)

Rusty: (Who had returned during the night.) Hey Boy! You's ready to die?

Jimmy: (He steps out onto the balcony of his hotel room and he looks down and sees Rusty and his posse.) I'm ready for you, Rusty!

(Once outside, Jimmy and Rusty stand on opposite ends of town, ready to draw their weapons of choice.)

(Yves, the Gunmen, and Kimmy are all watching with fear and concern for Jimmy's life and safety.)

Frohike: Jimmy, you need to rethink this.

Byers: Are you sure you know what you are doing?

Jimmy: I sure do. I'm defending Yves' honor.

Yves: Jimmy please. My honor isn't worth getting killed over.

Jimmy: Yes it is, Yves.

Yves: Well then, good luck and be careful. (She then gives him a good-luck kiss and then she and their friends step aside.)

Rusty: I's going to count to 5 and then we's draw.

Jimmy: Ok. Go for it.

Rusty: 1, um 2, um, 3, um, 4, and um, um, 5! DRAW!

(Instead of drawing a gun, Jimmy draws a whip and he whips Rusty's gun out of his hand before he has a chance to fire.)

(Jimmy then takes out a lasso and lassos Rusty.)

(His friends look at him, impressed with his lasso and whip moves.)

Jimmy: (Walks up to Rusty, who's tied up in the lasso.) Ok, now are you going to continue to bother my friends and this town?

Rusty: No, I's ain't going to bother this town or your friends again.

Jimmy: I don't know if I believe you or not so I'm just going to have leave you like this. Oh and a few other things. Your grammar is horrible and learn to count, Dude.

(As he walks back to his friends, they come up to him, congratulating him.)

Langly: That was totally awesome. Where did you learn those moves?

Jimmy: The lasso moves I learned from my uncle and the whip moves I learned from watching Indiana Jones.

Byers: Indiana Jones? Jimmy those are just movies.

Jimmy: I know that.

Kimmy: That was still cool.

(Just then, Rusty's friends untie him and they get back on their horses. Then as they race past them, Rusty grabs Yves by the arm, placing her on the back of his horse.)

Yves: (Screams.) Let go of me! JIMMY! SOMEONE! HELP ME PLEASE!

Jimmy: YVES!

Rusty: Come on, Boys. Let's take care of this one, once and for all!

Jimmy: NO! LET HER GO! (He then finds his horse and mounts it.) Guys, we need to rescue Yves now!

(He then rides off and then his friends mount their horses as well and follow him.)

Frohike: Come on, Guys! Jimmy's going to need our help!

(Meanwhile, Jimmy comes to a plateau and he then sees Rusty as he ties Yves to a railroad track.)

Yves: Let go of me, you jerk! (As Rusty and his friends continue to tie her up, she tries to kick them.)

(Then as they finish, they hear a train coming.)

Rusty: Oh this will be so great. Do you hear that Girl? It's going to be the last sound you'll ever hear.

(Jimmy then rides down to the track.)

Jimmy: Yves! Let her go!

Rusty: I don't think so, Boy! You and your friends humiliated me in front of my town. Now your girl here is going to pay for that.

Jimmy: Not if I have anything to say about it. (Takes out his whip and cracks it on the ground.) I SAID, LET HER GO NOW!

Rusty: What are you going to do now?

Frohike: (Shoots his gun into the air.) Let her go or I'll use this on you and I'm not afraid to do so. (He then points the gun at Rusty's head.)

Langly: Neither am I. I've used a gun once and I'm not afraid to use one again. (He then aims his gun at Rusty.)

Byers: So what's it going to be? (He too points his gun at Rusty.)

Kimmy: Are you going to let her go or do we have to get rough? (He then points his gun at Rusty.)

Rusty: I'm ain't scared of ya yella-bellies.

(With Rusty distracted, Jimmy then decides to untie Yves from the track.)

(Then just as the train is about to pass them by, Jimmy pulls her to safety.)

Jimmy: (Holding onto her.) Yves are you going to be ok?

Yves: Yes, thank you. (She then takes a hold of Jimmy's gun and hits Rusty with the handle.) That's your punishment. Now let's get out of here.

Frohike: Yes, we can now leave this place. Let's get out of here. But for some reason this thing won't let me set it for 2001.

Langly: Can we get out of here at least?

Frohike: Well, it's set for 1348.

Kimmy: Well, let's go to 1348 then.

Frohike: Ok.

(They all look at Rusty and his posse and they disappear in front of them.)

Rusty: Where did they go?

(His posse can't answer him.)

(The Gunmen, Kimmy, and Yves leave Southwest 1891 and enter England 1348.)

The End of Part 1...


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